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In a consumeristic and isolated society such as ours, it makes sense that there is often an unspoken level of competition in numerous social media or face-to-face interactions. It is common for individuals to see others’ feats and compare them to their own. Or, at minimum, individuals view people as obstacles, rather than as gifts. This is what Pastor Zac Yonko (MDiv, Ashland) defines as scarcity, the idea that the reflection of any social outcome affects the individual, even if they are completely uninvolved in the circumstance.  

It is commonplace to believe that we, as humans, are somehow going to receive less if someone else gains more. I previously wrote about envy, where we often loathe not having what others have, but what if that complex is deeper than simply envy, and we are worried that just because another person received a blessing, it lessens our chances of receiving the same blessing? At first glance, this statement seems preposterous. But when the previous statement sinks in, we realize that there may be more truth than we realize.  

Many adults in today’s society are facing what many have called a “delayed adulthood,” or the idea that many individuals are pushing back different aspects of adulthood for other desires, which oftentimes can be a holy pursuit, but that can often lead to a delay in other aspects of life, including dating relationships, engagement, marriage, purchasing a home, and kids. It is easy to achieve many things in life and yet still desire a stronger sense of emotional attachment.  

Bryan Loritts (DMin, Liberty) notes in his text, Enduring Friendships, that many perceived “successful” individuals have difficulty obtaining and maintaining significant friendships because they feel a strong need to control specific relationships, which can often lead to regretful circumstances. We all have a desire to be known and loved, but some of the avenues we seek to fulfill this desire, even if the world perceives them as holistic, may not truly be holistic at all.  

Our desire to be enough is simply found in Jesus Christ, solid earthly lifelong friendships and relationships have the foundation and understanding that there is more to a relationship that simply trying to gain control of a social situation, but rather, there is a sense of mutual care between two parties.  

With the desire to find our needs met in Christ, we understand how best to limit the scarcity mindset in us: to truly love others. Yonko defines love as asking, “instead of asking what will happen to me (scarcity), love is to ask what will happen to them if I do not do something to help.” 

Relationships on both ends, as both the sender and the receiver, will likely improve through the effort of caring significantly for those God has placed in our lives at certain moments. These encounters may simply change how we perceive specific friendships in our lives. Individuals are not tools, but rather, are other beings who are made in the image of God. As we continue to live our lives for Christ. Let us all consider that true investment in specific friendships may involve thinking more outside our own interests.