End-of-year update: 2022 was a year of contentment amidst a year of surprises. Although the end of the year looked much different than the beginning of the year, I noticed that I am much more content at this moment than I have been in years despite ending the year with even more uncertainty of my long-term path.

In review, I persevered through a difficult second semester to end the 21-22 year. Although I excelled on paper–teaching my first college course, straight A’s in my doctorate program, and continuing to succeed at work–the stress of my schedule led me to face several anxious bouts that led to many restless nights, and additional stress that led to a stress-related urgent care visit. Once the semester ended, I was relieved, but in the back of my mind, I was very worried about the beginning of the new academic year with an amped-up doctorate load and a fall season with uncertainty in my work schedule with another new administration change in my department.

The summer was a time of relaxation and rejuvenation overall. The highlight of the summer was the beginning of my first dating relationship in over five years. The progression was slow and natural, and it was a much-needed pace amidst a crazy season of life overall. Outside of this relationship, I was still sensing the stress was creeping up on me as I entered the fall. I did not realize how thin my margin of error was until I was involved in a serious car crash in the middle of August. Although I am thankful I was miraculously not hurt by the crash, the inconvenience of not having a car for a few weeks was difficult as the stressful fall semester was beginning.

As I progressed through the start of the fall semester, there were many moments of positivity, however, the anticipated anxiety from the end of the spring semester returned, leading to yet another set of increased anxiety and panic bouts. I took out my stress through eating and gained around 40 pounds in a noticeably short span of time. After leaving a class session on a Tuesday night feeling more distraught than ever, I had another set of serious conversations talking to people in my support circle that evening. Over the next several days, I lived with the decision that I was going to suspend my doctorate studies indefinitely prior to officially making that decision by the end of that week. Although at one level I was disappointed, the largest feeling I had post-decision was an immediate sense of relief. I loved the program immensely, but balancing a doctorate program with my current job situation became too much to bear.

Taking the added responsibility in the program off my plate was important as I still had a packed fall semester at Judson from an employment standpoint. The new athletic administration model called for added responsibilities in addition to my teaching two new classes on the side (Wellness and GEN 101). Being busy helped me not think too much about the recent decision I had made, but it also prolonged my ability for the decision to “settle in” until this holiday break began in December.

The semester recently ended and another chapter in my life closed as well. My then-girlfriend and I separated amicably as we realized that our life aspirations did not line up enough to continue forward. We really sensed God guiding us both in the week leading up to our official breakup and were confident that he has plans for us that we do not foresee, which led us to both be at peace with that decision.

Now that all this change is finally settling in, I am overall at peace with where my future is despite the uncertainty with what lies ahead in my life, career, relationship status, health, etc. I am still very content with my employment in the Judson Athletic Department, I am teaching a personal-“record” six credits worth of courses this spring, I have a new set of fitness goals, and I have a few other irons in the fire with my Minds of Meaning venture and additional side hustles (more on that to come). Also, I will continue to not pursue my doctorate studies this upcoming semester and will consider potential re-entry into the program on a semester-by-semester basis. I am very content with that unsolved potential in the interim.

To conclude, a few lessons I learned from all of this in 2022.

1. Life is complex:

It is quite easy for us to think linearly about what we must do in life to be “successful” and become overwhelmed by that notion. Give yourself grace and know that each day even the smallest successes should be celebrated. Heck, I am writing this at the end of what I considered an “unproductive” day, and this post alone is worth celebrating as a success. What the world sees as success is evolving, and more importantly, every person can make their own decisions and dictate what success is in their own eyes. Do not let the “shame attendant” (credit: Dr. Curt Thompson) interfere with your life.

2. Big, long-term goals are great, but you can make an impact in the smallest ways as well:

I had been living (and grading my life’s efforts) by a sense of achievement. I would ask myself, “did what I did today lead me toward something great?” Defining “greatness” is another conversation. I came to realize that striving for the “platform” can often lead to selfish decisions. Instead, in a world where people are often judged from platform positions, we can arguably make much more of a difference in the mundane, day-to-day relationships that we are in. Instead, I will be much more at peace if my daily question is this: “Was I able to bless someone else or myself today?” I say “bless myself” not in a selfish way but as an aside knowing that we need to take care of ourselves, too.

3. Never put yourself in a situation that is well beyond your stress limit:

As an achiever and a loyalist, I often strive to work hard to please others. The stress I put myself under in the first several months of 2022 I wish upon nobody, and I will never let myself get to that point again for my own sanity. As my dad says, you are only as good at what you do if you are able to balance and take care of your own self (paraphrased).

4. Continue to rely on your community and the people in your corner.

It is important that we continue to find community as we live in a world that continues to allow survival amidst isolation. Technology is great, I will be the first person to advocate for that; however, remote work and other technological adventures can allow us to be separated from others for an extended amount of time. One of the more significant sources of healing for me this year was the intentionality of being in the community and allowing myself to know that I am never alone. If you are in a position where you are not able to physically attend many gatherings, feel free to pick up the phone and call someone that you trust and continue to build relationships in that manner. I am fairly sure that you will not regret time in community with others.

In addition to community, I encourage anyone to consider seeing a counselor at least quarterly, if not more. I see a counselor virtually weekly, and it helps me immensely to process my thoughts.

If you made it this far, thank you for reading. I hope that you can resonate with some of my experiences as we move forward together in 2023. Have a Happy New Year!

I just wanted to share some thoughts on my thought processes of late. The theme for this summer for me is decluttering. Not in the physical space sense (although that is needed at times), but rather in the schedule/mental health sense. I have realized over the last two months that I have tried so hard in my life to pack every last minute with something “productive;” meaning that when I am not working, in class, or doing homework, I’d find every opportunity to fill it with either a fun–or what I deemed necessary–activity. I realized that I developed this mindset heading into my undergraduate studies, where I was in a position where I needed to 100% maximize the balance between work, school, and fun. Although this mindset got me through some good and bad times, when a good friend brought up the need to reallocate the structure of my time, I knew he was 100% right. I was not prioritizing my self-care: emotionally, spiritually, or physically. Even though my extraverted self needs a lot of time with others, which I consider “rest.,” there is just as much value in spending an evening at home.

What does this change look like?

A). Be thankful for the family and friends who invest most in you and spend a significant amount of your time in those circles. These people build you up, and you realize your exact purpose in life is in a community with these individuals.

B). Similarly, ensure that you are creating space where you can also invest in others.

C). Pick up a side hobby that you can do by yourself (or others) that doesn’t take your whole evening. For me, this is disc golf. I can play a quick round after work or school, or during a break. This activity can replace the need or urge to try to fill this time with something “extravagant.”

D). Ensure you find time for sleep and create space for the self-care that you value most (for me, this is ensuring that I can build an effective morning routine and have an adequate quiet time. But this can look differently for many others).

E). LIMIT SOCIAL MEDIA. Yes, I’m telling you this as I write on a social media platform, but I have deleted my Instagram and Twitter accounts entirely, allowing me to have space to impact the people closest to me. I understand and support the responsibility of being a “global citizen,” which those platforms can provide. Still, I’ve realized that I cannot control the outcomes of all of the discussions and issues that these social mediums present, and pulling away from them allowed me to focus on the relationships and decisions I can control.

F). Find space to create an effective diet and budget- if you build your day around an effective diet and budget, you are more likely to build your day around more holistic things than instant self-gratification. There will be days when you are not perfect, but it’s easier to re-align yourself on these goals when the structure is in place.

G). Continue to seek external resources to help build your holistic self. It’s been nearly a decade of counseling for me, and I’ve recently begun seeing a dieting coach. Both of these resources have proven to be valuable in creating plans and goals that can be successful.

I know I am far from perfect, but these are some tips to help re-organize your life if you feel the need to do so. Taking the time to do this in a lighter season will help create the space needed in the craziest times. I’m sure there will be moments this next school year that will be highly stressful, but I am optimistic that I will be less stressed with these guided allocations.

Here’s to a great week!

Featured image: Clip Art Illustration

Note: This article post is in accordance with an element of a doctoral class assignment. We were tasked to create a leadership theory. I conceptualized Morale Leadership. See the Theory’s matrix below.

I began articulating the Morale Leadership Theory (yes, morale and not moral) as I noticed that there are two critical behavioral elements that allow each leader-follower relationship to flourish. There should be a good balance between mental health and inclusivity. No one is perfect, so no one masters this process entirely, but some leaders are incredibly gifted in these areas, while others need improvement. To articulate this theory in a relatable fashion, I thought there was no better way to articulate this than to personify different styles of coaches that you may have played for, or you may have watched during your lifetime.

Low Inclusivity, Low Mental Health—Everyone Has Had One of These

Have you ever had a coach in youth or high school athletics that was hard to play for? Most people have had a coach who is often unbearable. On top of the coach’s demeanor, the team may very well be in last place, and there are not many friendships being built. The coach is not being considerate of either building team inclusivity or caring for the individual’s wants and desires on the team. One could question, why are the team dynamics this way? Is it because the coach has had a rough work or home life that he or she is spilling onto the team? Is it possibly because the coach has anger issues and does not know how to accept a loss? Or is it because the coach feels that anger forces response and results? Many situations may have led the coach to act in this particular style. Hopefully, you have not faced these scenarios too often.

High Mental Health, Low Inclusivity—Your Local NCAA Basketball Coach?

When it comes to finding a coach that will shower praise on his or her stars to the ultimate level, look no further than your local NCAA Division I basketball coach. The last decade has featured the “one and done” model. Players are often courted to college basketball to profile themselves during their “gap” year between their high school graduation and their admittance into the NBA. It is easy to feel that the heart of college basketball has been compromised since this new philosophy has entered the sport. It is not an issue of the coach’s morals or the ability to sustain a positive attitude. However, the nature of this “one and done” model does not encourage team-based unity of X’s and O’s tactics. Due to the need to cater to specific stars, it is very difficult to promote comradery and team play within this system of college coaching, which could lead to several individuals feeling not included in helping the team in the overall goal. In the business world, this would be considered unequal delegation. However, the downside of sport is that often not everyone has an equal opportunity, which means that this style of coaching is often prevalent at all levels and all styles of coaching.

Low Mental Health, High Inclusivity—The Long Slog of Baseball

Most professional baseball leagues play at least 100 games in their regular seasons, which is by far the most of any major North American sport. I would argue that baseball is the ultimate sport of delegation as it needs at least nine players to be somewhat equally skilled (outside of the pitcher) for a team to be effective. Coaches and management strive to give the most opportunities to their best players. Still, a power hitter can only bat once out of every nine opportunities, and a lights-out starting pitcher can only throw once every five days.
For baseball managers it is arguably more important to keep their players sane throughout the season than to worry about effective delegation. An underperforming baseball manager cannot break through the pride or perceived “masculinity” of all of his players and figure out how to have each of his players in the right headspace. If a star player, or heaven forbid, the entire team is in a season-long funk, then the team performance will dwindle.

High Mental Health, High Inclusivity—Friendly Culture

Every athlete has his or her favorite team that they played for during their careers. Some players may say they were able to bond well with their teammates. Others will say it is because they love their coach. There’s always a contingency that would say it is due to the team’s success on the field. All three of these reasons can be attributed to the coach’s culture in the program. The team’s leader needs to encourage bonding between fellow team members and the coaching staff. Sometimes, it is simply the coach’s personality to feel as if they are part of the team. In other scenarios, they step back and let the team become cohesive without their influence. Either way can be effective, depending on the situation. If a team succeeds in emotional health and can be productive in their sport consistently, then you have a scenario that is life-giving, and memories will be certainly made.

Conclusion

There are plenty of lessons for an athlete or a person who participated in youth-organized activities and from the sports we watch. These scenarios can be prevalent in group settings that we face today. We want to avoid being the leader who does not care for our team’s mental health and inclusivity. Instead, we should focus on how these scenarios have shaped us into becoming the best morale leaders we can be.

There are many times in my life that I feel that I am simply on a stop for more incredible things ahead. Not many almost 27-year-olds believe that they are “set” in life; however, that truth gets distorted in my life. What grinds my gears more than anything is ruminating on half-truths and other lies that do not spell out the complete trajectory of where my life is heading. Often, living in this uncertainty leads me to try to control things on my own accord and desire to move past the mundane.

My counselor recently reminded me that our lives are not about the destination but rather the journey that it takes to reach said destinations. This is completely the truth. Once we reach certain plateaus that we were hoping to accomplish in life, the reality is that the feeling of satisfaction often lasts for a minimal amount of time even though we have perceived that situation as life-changing.

Take, for example, last week’s super bowl. 53 Los Angeles players and dozens of coaches and team personnel completed the long journey of winning the super bowl. Although they celebrate for several days, many of these individuals quickly shift their gears as their mind changes to focus on winning another championship the following year. Although the immediate 48 hours are incredible, I am sure that many of these players are now realizing that winning that super bowl does not bring life-changing satisfaction to their lives.

With this in mind, I am challenging myself to begin living my life more in the present, knowing that my decisions today are just as valuable as the decisions I will make once I reach said goals. It is very easy to try to satisfy these life-long desires in the immediate. However, since I know the sun will almost assuredly come up tomorrow just as it did today, I know that my overall value does not change regardless of my circumstances, and I am thankful for that.

So how does that affect my life? Well, I am beginning to live today as if it is the most important day of my life. I am trying not to focus on letting future personal desires dictate the common decisions I make in today’s duties. Although it is essential to plan ahead in many regards, stressing over which gym I am going to work out in will not affect my desired public speaking career. That example might be slightly facetious, but you see where I am going with that point.

I’d encourage you to think about your life and think about how to limit your own stress knowing that the decisions you make today are just as important as tomorrow. I’d hope through this exercise you’d see how attempting to control your entire current life situation is simply impossible to do. Therefore, be thankful for what you do have and know that you have an impact on the world as much today as you do the next.

2021 has been a very difficult year for many of us, including myself. Although there have been many, successes—that I have been incredibly grateful for—there also have been many trials that have made this year a struggle.  

Before I proceed further, I do want to note that the goal of this post is not to create a pity party for myself. Rather, I know that many people in my life have faced similar circumstances, and I want to provide a fellow understanding of the struggles of life and hopefully provide a sense of hope and direction for others.

This year has been filled with many successes: starting a doctorate program, successfully navigating Judson’s first-ever football season, moving, joining a new church, losing 35 pounds, and continuing to foster and build new and old relationships that hopefully will last a lifetime. 

One can look at this 12-month resume and call it a success. However, all these moments feature internal ponderings and consternations that have led to significant anxiety. 

I see many of my peers marrying the loves of their lives, having kids, buying houses and cars, and it appears as if their lives are coming together. They most certainly should celebrate in that, and I celebrate with them. However, once I see these successes and compare them to where I perceive myself to be, my self-esteem decreases like my leaking bike tire on Christmas afternoon.

I often devalue my worth by noting that I currently live in my grandma’s basement; holding a job that is not my career goal in the second-lowest tax bracket; belonging in a doctorate program in large part due to personal connections; and quitting my side job, to boot.  

The easy self-help response to these moments is simple: I moved to save money and create an environment that fosters working-at-home successes. I am employed and go to school in a great environment that encourages professional growth and holds positions that I aspire for. And I am much more emotionally and physically healthy since lowering my weekly stress load with a Sunday sabbath.

But any relief I have from reminding myself of these truths is short-lived. Hence, I began an end-of-the-year quest to understand the root of my perceptions of life from a glass-half-empty perspective.

I first began to process personal environmental reasons of why I may feel this way. I live in a family that has highly successful and influential individuals—including doctors (PhD), lawyers, engineers—who are making a difference for the world, and, therefore, have pressured myself to reach unnecessary expectations on myself that a 26-year-old cannot achieve. Sure, many of my goals could be reached by someone my age, but to expect to reach every goal to near perfection is not of our fallen human nature.  

I am driven by my late grandpa’s saying, “Make it Happen,” which encourages the paving of the way for one’s success. I am grateful for his example. However, this mindset is only pure when it is not laced with the belief that we have complete control over the immediate outcomes of our lives, as our fast-paced technological world alludes (Thanks, Andy Crouch, for the wisdom here).  

I have come to a much greater peace recently by realizing and embracing that I am currently in a season of waiting. Although my plan-oriented mind aligns with the world’s desire for efficiency and effectiveness, I have learned that the benefits of waiting include seeing the beauty and worth of my existence by letting the nuances of life occur and I appreciate the personal growth that this season brings in preparation for the future endeavors that this world has for me.  

After I began reading select chapters of books and listening to numerous podcasts and sermons, my discovery can be summarized by the following statement:  

I need to “BE” and not “DO.”

What is my personal application to this statement? Well, I need not be anxious about meeting the “standard” 26-year-old life in an ever-changing and confusing society that we live in. I should not over-stress myself with trying to prove my own worth or even living the “perfect” lifestyle; even if that means occasionally ignoring well-intended, and often correct, value-oriented expectations. One person cannot live perfectly. I believe only one person who has graced this earth has ever done so.  

I recently heard on a radio program a psychologist who suggests that we take emotional self-care daily by telling ourselves a three-second statement to begin our days: “Today is a great day because [insert reason].” This is a beautiful example of how we can remind ourselves of all the positives of life by having an optimistic outlook on our daily activities.  

In short, if we appreciate what each day has to offer for us and understand that it today is a process in a life-long journey, then I believe we have a good shot at increasing general daily emotional homeostasis.

God Bless you all this Christmas/Holiday season and have a Happy New Year!